Basic Irrational Ideas - from a counsellor

When you find yourself unhappy / out-of-control / not getting what you want, etc. maybe it isn't the situation, or even yourself; maybe it is just the WAY you are thinking - irrationally - like the thoughts below:



I (or the things I do) must be loved (accepted, approved of, etc.) by everyone who is important to me.

I must succeed in everything I do and be whatever the situation (other people) demands of me. I must never fail.

It is terrible (catastrophic, intolerable) when things are not going the way I want them to go.

Human unhappiness is externally caused and people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disappointments or rid themselves of their negative feelings.

If something is (may be) dangerous or fear-producing, I should be very worried (upset, preoccupied) about it.

Things (I) have always been this way, so they (I) cannot be different.

I have to find a solution (alternative, way out, etc.) immediately or I won't be able to stand it.

If I get upset (angry, self-destructive, compliant, withdrawn, etc.) enough, something will surely change.

It is easier (better) to avoid facing life difficulties (responsibilities) than to undertake more rewarding forms of action.

Maximum happiness can be achieved by just letting things happen, doing as little as possible, and totally devoting myself to 'enjoyment'.

If I could just find the right person (job, solution, car, place, etc.), everything else would take care of itself and my life would be OK; or "if my bad luck would only change, that would 'fix' everything and my life would be OK."

The world is out to get me.

The world owes me a living (love, understanding, a chance, a break, etc.).

The world always must be (should be) fair.

I've got so many strikes against me now that nothing I do (say, think, feel, want, etc." is going to make any difference.

Some people are so bad (worthless, evil, unsympathetic, arrogant, etc.) that they should be severely punished (humiliated, killed, brutalized, etc.) for the kind of people they are.

Arrogance

There is no room for arrogance anywhere, anytime, about anything.  There is no time either, especially for Gaia.  Day to day it doesn't seem like much is happening, but it is, and the consumer society, of which I am entwined, is weakening us and the planet.

We know what the problem is, so enough said.  Keep on keeping on, whatever you can.

Bird thoughts

Does one bird species know that another bird species is a bird or is the other species as different as a human is to them?

One thing I envy about birds, besides their ability to fly, is their freedom. Of course, there is alot to not envy them for - their shorter life span for example but being able to go almost anywhere anytime, limited only by your own power is enviable, don't you think? Do they know it?

The myth is that someday they will acknowledge our concern for them. The myth is that someday we will acknowledge their concern for us.

Entry for January 27, 2007

"For God so loved the world . . ." Heck with 'Him'! - For I so loved the world, I give . . . myself!

Even if it makes you live in fear you still have to do what is right.

"...We can't always be talking about what's wrong - that just creates despair,"

Total love does NOT mean surrending your identity but survival does not depend on staying resolutely separate.

We can't really predict the future, we can only invent it.

All people are redeemable.

Tolerate change; accept that you don't always feel positive; communicate honestly.

Life is just one damn thing after another.

Time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment.

Treat each other with decenty and respect - everyone gains from the experience.

Approach life as an explorer - "seek out" new experiences with intelligence, curiosity, and imagination; "boldy go" on your continuing mission.

When you're in the captains chair, be the captain.

People's actions are always appropriate given the way the world appears to them.

You can find something you like in everyone.

Living a good life is its own reward.

Change in life: - much of it is good but make sure YOU pick; - keep the parts of yourself you enjoy and never let anyone take them away; - write a new subroutine (like Data).

Listen to your principles; they are your guide to your inner feelings when your intuition is confuse. When you stick to your principles you will most often find that what you thought you wanted would hot have been good for you. Your principles help keep you integrated. DC

We do not live to extenuate the miseries of the past, nor to accept as incurable those of the present - Fairfield Osborne

I apologize to the authors for not jotting down their names beside my favorite quotes.

Planner template - part 2 of 2 or 3 - two-week planner

Planner placement in your home

-adjacent to your phone

-in a high traffic area where you walk by and glance all the time

-on a counter high enough so you don’t have to hunch over to write

-adjacent to larger / longer calendars

-adjacent to other reference papers

You will also need

-a standard ‘free’ twelve-month calendar

-for appointments booked months in advance

-for birthdays

-transfer these every once in a while to your planner

-a ‘write-on wipe-off’ calendar

-for appointments where you have to be somewhere at a certain time

-days where there is / isn’t all day events like ‘no school’

-for other family members to be aware of what’s happening or to jot down their appointments

-mine consists of four horizontal magnetic pieces on my fridge. one piece is for each week. When the week is over, that piece gets wiped and moved to the bottom of the stack.

-a ‘magazine’ box tipped on its side to hold file folders for

-schedules of extra-curricular venues and activities

-school reference information

-cheque book

-current short-term stuff you don’t want to lose but isn’t going to become a regular part of your life

-a few envelopes

-scrap paper to jot things down on when you are on the phone

-a tear-off note pad for lists of things you need when on your errands

-a phone book

-a phone list of currently used and emergency numbers

Things you DON’T need in your planning centre:

-storage for stuff to be filed: Dealing with incoming and outgoing papers:

When physical stuff comes into your house – sort it on your kitchen table, then;

-take the stuff you’re keeping to your offce

-put the stuff that needs action on top of your planner so it’s in your face until you deal with it.

-if it is going out of your house as soon as you deal with it – leave it on your planner until you either give it to your family member to deliver, like school forms, or you deal with it yourself (if you have an ‘outbox’ by the door you usually use AND you are all in the habit of checking it before you leave, all the better)

-if it’s going out at a later date or with an appointment more than two weeks away – you may put it in a ‘holding’ file folder in the magazine box

-put it in the recycle

the 'up' page of the planner is in the next blog

Planner - part 3 the end, two-week with longer

The ‘up’ page of the two-week planner

This page shows the two weeks in relation to your life.

The bottom line has a place for your ‘roles’ – you know, that ‘seven roles’ thing that came out as part of Microsoft software several years ago? You know, it was related to that “Seven Roles of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. You identify your roles in life – seven is a good number – and set goals for each role. See: http://attitudeadjustment.tripod.com/Books/7-Habits.htm .

Listing your roles reminds you what you are doing with your life, helps you set goals, and maintains and develops your character. My roles are: Personal – Inside which reminds me to take care of my mental health; Mother – Biz which reminds me I am a valuable manager of my children’s lives; Business Manager which reminds me I am taking care of money matters; Property Manager which reminds me I am keeping a well-maintained house for us to live in; Mother – Personal which reminds me I am important as a person to my children; Personal – Outside which reminds me I am important to my friends and other family; and Humano-Gaian which reminds me that all physical life depends on Gaia, The Earth.

Above the Role Line to the left is a place for you to write what you have recently accomplished – ‘Past’; what you are focussing on right now – ‘Present’; and what you will be focussing on in the near future – ‘Future’.

The two-weeks covered in the ‘down’ page (featured in the part 1 blog) are placed somewhere in the two months featured on this page.

Take a pen and circle the two weeks you are currently in. What is nice about this is that you can see how one month flows into another.

Above the second month are two lines for you to outline your THEMES for this time period. Themes are goals with character.

To the right is a vertical representation of the months you are currently experiencing – also laid out in a manner that shows you the flow of time.

You can jot down highlights and important events on the two months or the six months.

At the top centre are the words “Soul, Spirit, Mind, Emotions, Body” to remind you of the five aspects of life that contribute to your well-being and that of your family. You may have different life aspects, of course.

By combining your seven roles, the five aspects of life, and the three time frames of past/ present/future you can develop and clarify your goals; and this two-week planner can help you incorporate them into your whole time on earth. The visual connections displayed in this planner, a day, a week, two weeks, two months, and six months, help me connect what I need / want / am doing right now to what I have accomplished, where I’m “at”, where I’m going, and with whom. The visual layout and the physical existence of a binder act as symbols to my brain which help me connect the things I am doing to ‘me’.

Personally, a digital calendar didn’t work for me. I needed something concrete, just as I need my books to be physical books with spatial orientation of events in the story. I don’t think it is good to compartmentalize to the point of having every minute accounted for or layed out for you by you or anyone else. I know that is how ‘productivity’ works, but it doesn’t work that way for me.

I wish you well.

PS. When digital things come into my house, such as emails with dates, I jot the dates on a piece of paper, take it to my three calendars (fridge magnet, two-week planner, 12 month) and write them on each as needed. If I worked, I would probably use the digital calendars provided at work but they would all end up in a hard copy day planner. I would also probably have a day planner for ‘during’ the day at work and my two-week planner at home.

PPS. The Mr. Covey way of looking at things involving “urgent, not urgent, important, and not important” is probably great for people who are really really busy but I find it less stressful to keep those labels intuitively in my consideration.

-----

Anew (by me)

Anew

When one more goes,
you may find yourself
to be the last one.
There are none that knew you then,
not even yourself,
sometime.

The Coleman lantern,
mantle burning brighter than any city moon,
its hissing filling out the dark spaces;
potatoes boiling on the wood stove,
roils of water and cinders crackling,
filling in the worried places;
cribbage or Scrabble in the dim,
chatter of simply the game,
and farther memories;

All, regardless of the era,
keeping alive what was truly needed -
what was truly good;
Food, family, warmth, shared times.

Paisley bush jacket?
No! Of course not. It was plaid (or
had it been just plain green or brown?);
laid away, with others, in the city basement
in the closet under the stairs
for many many years.

Strong, infused with grace, enduring,
and confidentially wise to its pricelessness;
until its fibers, weighted with waiting,
dissolved into the universe,
somehow;

She was a keepsafe
of memories, wanted and unwanted,
of ourselves and our others, and yet more;
Some one that may have known me then.

May I recall this strength and grace
to do the same, in hers and others' names,
someday.

Retail minus packaging

Packaging, packaging , packaging = garbage, resources, transportation costs

If packaging products individually was less prevalent, would the way we acquire products be different?

Security for items would be different because they could

• get damaged or soiled by browsing customers
• disappear / be stolen
• be unsafe to customers
• lose their small parts

Maybe shopping would look more like the "ye olde general store"

with the products behind counters accessible only by employees
and you had to ask to see something.

That would mean different jobs - not running packaging machines
but actually interacting with customers.

Or maybe we could stop expecting everything we think we need to be sitting there
in a store
waiting just for us to come by and buy it.

We could order it / put it on lay-away over the internet, maybe?

Then it would be shipped in a bulk shipment
to the store (not couriering individual items to our door - that takes too much fuel) and

we could go pick it up as we run several errands at once or at lunch time.

How did the transition from bulk general store to supermaket come about, anyway.

#whatif the air was so toxic ...

Disclaimer for all non-INTJ's: don't be alarmed. This is just a 'thought exercise'. Don't panic.

What if all the air on earth was toxic to the point you had to have a canister of clean air and breath it through a mask all the time. (You'd be just like a smoker, or someone with emphysema that totes around that canister all the time).

Hmmmm. Yes, everyone would have to have a clean air canister (CAC) all the time, from the moment they were born; yes, even babies, till the end - whatever that means.

You'd have to keep a supply of CAC's but, if you ran out, say at 1:00 am because you forgot to stop at the grocery / air store on your way home from work, you'd have to drive down to your local corner store. Maybe there would even be street-sellers.

You could still breath the air but it would be just toxic enough it would make you cough, and feel ill for a while, and take a day off your life span (on average) for every minute you breathed it.

Really rich people would have their whole houses sealed and a central clean air system. And the choice jobs would be at whole buildings with central clean air systems.

All the fruits and vegetables tasted weird, too; especially wine and beer.

Idea #1 Urban Nature. Conservation Psychology

Conservation / Nature / Eco groups: (maybe sumbunny is already doing this, but anyway ...)

Real-time web-camera images of natural areas and urban gardens displayed on an outdoor video wall in ultra-urban / concrete jungle locations to remind city-folk that we are always part of nature no matter where we are or where nature is.

We can go to web pages with this kind of stuff (nest cams, bird feeder cams) but that experience is more individualistic. If these web cams were displayed in a public place, those viewing may more likely feel it as a shared experience; thus building group momentum.

Careful not to be too propagandistic though, or commercial (like the big screen floating everywhere overhead in the movie Blade Runner, lol)

"I Am A Rainbow" - Dolly Parton on CBC Radio

“When I’m feeling scared, kids call me yellow

But I can find my courage and be a brave fellow”

There are many times when I’m a bit apprehensive.  You’re not always as self-confident as you
sometimes force yourself to be.  There
are many times when I proceed with caution – let’s put it that way.  The yellow for me is more for caution than total
outright fear.

I always pay attention to every emotion I have and I always
kind of think of that as a gut feeling. 
Those colors are like gut feelings to me.  If it doesn’t feel right to me somehow then I
don’t pursue that or I certainly proceed carefully.  So …

G:  But you seem to
have this remarkable confidence.  It’s
hard to believe that anything would really scare you.

D:  Well, I’m not
frightened by life.  But we all have our
pride, and we all have our ego and you know, we’re all allowed that.  It’s the ego problems and the false pride
that, you know, that’s the downfall of most people.  But I just believe there’s nothing wrong with
trying and what’s the worst that’s going to happen?  If I fail at something are they going to kill
me? You know, it’s like, I just feel like I’m a, I only kind of set my own
records and try to break them.  I don’t
try to compete with other people.  I try
to be my very best self and do the very best I can and I’m never going to know
if I can do it or not if I don’t try. 
So, I grew up very poor and hard. 
I know what it’s like to rough it, so I just kind of look at everything
like “Well, how hard can it be. I’ve been there”.  Laugh

G:  Let’s try red

“But guess what happens when my sister pulls my hair

Then I turn red.  I’m
as angry as a bear.”

How often does Dolly Parton get red?

D:  … Actually, I
often say, I mean, I have a lot of guts, I have a lot of strength and
stamina.  I’m a gentle-hearted person and
basically a happy-hearted person but I’m a business person as well.  And I don’t tolerate a bunch of junk.  I’ve, you know, I’ve worked with people but
when people are kind of out of line, and I often say, I don’t always ‘lose’ my
temper but I’ll often ‘use’ it.  And
there are just some things about some people that really get my burrs up, turn
me a little red, at people that are late, at people that are disrespectful,
people that, you know, don’t consider other people’s feelings and kind of see
the whole picture.  So, there are many,
many things that will get me riled.  As I
often said, if I don’t like where you have it, I can certainly tell you where
to put it.

G:  OK, I’ll just do
one more then I’ll get to some normal questions.  Pink. 
You say in “I’m A Rainbow” you’re kids’ book, you say:

“When I’m tickled pink it means I’m feeling dandy.

Everything is great, as sweet as cotton candy”

I’m guessing pink is your natural state of being, Dolly, or
is that a show?

D:  Well now, you know
actually, I have a lot of pink days.  I have
a lot of cotton candy days.  But nothing
is ever sweet and it’s like I’ve always said ‘If you walk the rainbow you have
to tolerate the rain’ because that’s the only way you’re going to get one.  You couldn’t, you know, you shouldn’t want
everything to be pink every day.  Then
you would have no depth, you would have no personality.  So I’m definitely not one that would want to
be pink every day and I am every color in the rainbow.  I see to it. 
I’m a coat of many colors.  And I
just try to deal with those emotions like I’m trying to teach the little
children in this book only in a smaller, light-hearted way, in a, you know,
elementary way they can understand it. 
But, in a grown-up way I still deal with all those colors every day
myself.  And, of course, we would all
prefer to be ‘in the pink’ but that doesn’t mean we’re going to always be.

. . .

I realized my imagination was going to carry me far and this
natural gift I had . . . But you’ve got to put it to work on your own and make
the most of what you know, you can do with what you know you have.

Re:  young girls
asking about body image

Dolly:  They do ask
and that is a very sensitive thing, kind of like you don’t want to feel like
those hypocrites that say ‘Do as I do’, I mean ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.  But I always tell people that the way I look
came from a very serious place within me. 
I did not feel pretty and we were very poor.  I wanted to be pretty.  We didn’t have any money to buy makeup nor
clothes or anything else, for that matter. 
So this actually came from a serious place and I learned early on that I
was comfortable with this.  But if you
are a natural beauty and you do have ways to have other things I think you
should not try to pattern yourself after other people so much as just doing what
feels right for you.  I know I’m over
done.  I certainly wouldn’t want somebody
telling me.  I wouldn’t go tell somebody “oh
you should go to get you a wig and you got to get you some 3 inch nails and you
got to get some 5 inch heels.  You know,
I would just say ‘Be yourself’.  I’m just
being my self doing what is right for me. 
You do what’s best and right for you. 
Listen close to your own heart and to your own mind and soul and God
will direct you and, or, you’ll know what to do just from that higher place
within yourself.

. . .

G:  It’s so true that
you’re success, you really own who you are. 
It’s clear, staying true to your roots and who you really are has been a
big part of you.  It’s hard to figure out
how to instill those same values when you talk to kids though, right?  How do you

D:  It is.  You don’t know; everybody’s life lessons are
different and I have stayed true to myself. 
I take my work very serious but I’ve never taken myself so serious that
I couldn’t have fun and enjoy it.  But,
it’s really hard to tell other people how to be and I always say I don’t want
advice, I don’t want anybody giving me advice. 
I want information.  Just give me
information and I’ll decide how much of that I can use and what is right for
me.  So I really don’t believe that
people should try to mold and shape children to be what they think they should
be.  I think you should encourage them
and help them be what they are and pay close attention to that.  But I’ve stayed true to who I believe I am
and based on what I deal with every day because I think it’s important.  True success means being a success at what
you do, being a successful at it but also being able to enjoy it and be happy
with that and be grateful and see that you’ve accomplished it.  That’s true success when you can enjoy what
you’ve done.

G:  It seems like you’ve
got so much on the go.  You’re still
touring, you’re playing shows, you’re making music, you’ve just done this
Broadway musical, you were in New York for the opening of the musical ‘9 to 5
The Musical’.  This book, “I’m A Rainbow”
for kids, the Imagination Library.  Do
you reflect on what you want to do?  Is
there still something left for Dolly Parton that you haven’t done that you’re
aspiring to?

D:  Absolutely.  There are a lot of wonderful things and a lot
it has to do in the world of children.  I
want have a show, a children’s show of my own, some of it animated and some
shows that are not but I’ve always to do that and to do more children’s
programming, CDs, DVDs, and working in that and actually just let me mention
that “I am a Rainbow” keep talking about it going into the Imagination Library,
that will be next year, but this book is just out now and it is on sale where
all books are sold.  So you can go pick
this book up and all the money that I’m making from this book, every dime of it
is going totally into the Imagination Library.  
I’m not putting a penny of that in my pocket.  I just love being able to get the chance to
be creative and to write so just wanted the folks to know that they can go buy
this book now.  It will be next year in
the Library for the little children

Happiness: Quirks & Quarks excerpt

Happiness and Science

"What
science has found is what sages, philosophers and grandmothers have been
telling us for an awfully long time some things that won’t bring you happiness " Dr. Gilbert, author of Stumbling Towards Happiness.

Bob McDonald: 

Our brains are untrustworthy when it comes to helping us
find happiness.

Doctor Gilbert’s book ‘exploring our sometimes misguided
search for the good life:  “Stumbling
Towards Happiness”’

Dr. G.:  What science
has found is what sages, philosophers and grandmothers have been telling us for
an awfully long time some things that won’t bring you happiness are gobs and
gobs of money, for example.  Money has a
very unusual relationship with happiness. 
Some people say ‘money can’t buy happiness’ and those people should go
talk to somebody who is living under an underpass.  Indeed, when you’re abjectly poor, money does
move you from poverty to the middle class. 
It makes a huge difference in a person’s happiness.  However, more money doesn’t make you more
happy.  So, we get all the happiness we
can out of money very early on and once we have a comfortable life style,
accumulating more of it doesn’t seem to make us very happy at all.

Here’s one that surprises a lot of people – children.  Now most of us, if you said ‘What’s your
greatest source of happiness?”  If you’re
a parent we immediately think of our kids. 
And yet, when you look at how happy people are when they are actually in
the act of parenting, they’re not very happy at all. (me:  hahahaha) Indeed, when you look at happiness over the
life cycle of a marriage, for example, you see that people are very happy when
they first get married and then their happiness starts to plummet.  And the only time when it actually returns to
its pre-marital levels is when their children leave home.  So, do children make you happy?  Well, in some sense they contribute to our
belief that we’ve had a fulfilling life and there are certainly moments with our
children and our grandchildren that are absolutely transcendent.  But the data suggest that, on the whole,
trying to be happy is not a good reason to have kids.”

Personally, I think experiencing being a parent helps teach you how to be happy.

This Stone by Ursula K. Le Guin

This Stone

From the Serpentine heyimas


of Telina-na;


by Wordriver

He went looking for a road

that doesn’t lead to death.

He went looking for that road

and found it.

It was a stone road.

He walked that road

that doesn't lead to death.

He walked on it awhile

before he stopped,

having turned to stone.

Now he stands there on that road

that doesn’t lead to death

not going anywhere.

He can't dance.

From his eyes stones fall.

The rainbow people pass him

crossing that road, long-legged, light-stepping,

going from the Four Houses

to the dancing in the Five Houses.

They pick up his tears.

This stone is a tear

from his eye, this stone

given me on the mountain

by one who died before my birth,

this stone, this stone.

Meditation in the Eighth House by Ire of Sinshan

Thin bluish clouds drift northeastward
high up and slowly. Help this soul
southwest wind of the rainy season
help this soul heal

Under bark of the fallen pine
worms have carved fine mazes
delicate circuitous houses
maze-makers, help this soul die

Veins stand netted on the bluish boulder
where rain wore the soft rock down
blown rain of many winters
help this soul turn round

Shadows of dead branches
sunlight and dying things
O wilderness! one bird sings
one note far off in the sunny wind

Rock was weaker than the rain
tree weaker than the worm. No help for it
so soul be weak, fail, drift, and blow
with wind through net and maze, and sing
one note once only in the wilderness

by Ursula K. Le Guin

Grassland of Birds (by me)

BODY:
song without music;
poem without words;
art without boundaries -
this grassland of birds

heart of the bitter root
under the grass;
loyal to nowhere
except prairies vast

tuber of crocus as
winter grows old,
shares not its wisdom,
except of the cold.

tail of the badger,
hail of nuthatch,
whistle of wapiti,
pine in a patch.

now is the present -
a gift of the past;
now is the future;
how can it last ? ...

... walk without metaphors !
hear without words !
see without sunlight ! -
this grassland of birds.

copyright February 2003

Yahoo Disclaimer

Yahoo Pulse blog is closing. SOME of What follows are the posts I had on there copied directly from the text file they let you download.

Sorry for the formatting.

DC